What I'm AFTR
The other day I was asked: "What's your next 10%?". It was a tough question because in that moment I felt like I actually only had 10% to give. We live in a world where we're expected to run on 110%, but in reality, some days we've only got 10% to work with!
When I was asked to write about my story, I had no idea where to start. Taking photos of me going AFTR my dreams felt funny and awkward. We only had 1 chance to take the shot. It has been SO LONG since I've been happy with the first version of myself, that this exercise was life-changing.
In reality, things are way more unfiltered.
Moments happen only once, and we actually only have one opportunity to SEE IT & ABSORB IT.
This leads me to my story.
All my life, I've just wanted to "BE GREAT" at something. I'm not sure where that desperate search for external approval came from, but internally, my curiosity to push my limits was contagious.
School was hard, my introverted personality felt drained on a daily basis - so I turned to sport. It was an easier way to communicate and express myself without actually having to talk to anyone. It is incredible how body language can be understood in the world of sport & performance. I became obsessed with these silent interactions filled with understanding & laughter. I was AFTR the performance gains with like-minded people.
It started with netball, athletics, soccer... whatever, I could do that was fun. It quickly spread to being pushed to train with the men, the older women, the stronger performers. I wasn't nearly mature enough to hold a conversation, but we understood how to work as a team when we played on the field/court.
In high school I then found a true challenge - Rowing. It was the hardest sport in the world in my mind. I was curious to what we as a crew can achieve, but was battling with what many kids face as youngsters, parents divorcing. My mom was (well, still is) an alcoholic. The addictive personality was shared within the family too. My brother eventually chose cocaine, and myself - this anxious obsession with endorphins & training.
Burnout for me was inevitable, but rewriting the family genes by choosing sport & exercise outweighed the consequences of drugs. Plus-they were banned in my world with anti-doping regulations coming out of my ears! My story shifted quickly when I confided in my rowing coach and asked him about my potential in the sport "Coach, do you think I could be GREAT at Rowing? Like maybe row for South Africa?" His answer: "NO", "but why don't you try something else?."
I was devastated.
I was furious.
I was fuelled.
I was curious.
"Why don't you try riding a bike?" My dad suggested.
The idea of sitting on a stool for hours on end sounds so boring. I explored a little more. Mountain biking...now that sounds dangerous. I'm in the mood to show this coach what he didn't see in me. Or was it actually embracing exactly what he suggested? Anger is powerful. But anger eventually runs out. What was I chasing AFTR? Who the f@ck was I in this chaotic world?
Gosh, my 20s were wild
(Sport, exercise, movement, authenticity, fulfilment) Connection was hard, loneliness was chasing me around the world, literally! I used my athletic ability to study abroad and stayed in the USA as long as I could (7 Years).
Learning about the human body was cool, but I was intrigued by the power of the mind. Bachelor's turned into a Master's whilst I pursued my professional career mountain biking dreams. ;) Was I becoming GREAT at something? Was this enough?
The pursuit of excellence is an interesting thing. Meta performance opened up my perception by slowing things down. The one thing high performers are good at is resting. My body ached at the idea of doing nothing, but eventually learned how to work hard, train hard, rest hard. I was AFTR It.
As I ticked over into level 3.0 of my life experience, I started to find rhythm & balance in my life. To truly be a mental performance coach, I needed to search intrinsically to understand my WHY. What was it that I wanted to do in this world? Who did I want to share it with? I stopped cycling out of anger, and focused forward into self-expression & passion for the industry. People told me to retire - But I was nowhere close to being done yet.
I've had decades of practice in the revolving doors of high-performance sports, and it brings me great joy to share this world with others & help them become GREAT. To stay present in the moments of absolute suffering is where we tap into our most vulnerable yet authentic self. Self discovery is so much a part of the journey to excellence, that focusing there often opens the doors to achieving our goals.
If there’s one thing I’d like to leave you with, it’s this: You are never done with the journey, it is a life-long exploration with some incredible milestones reached along the way. Choose carefully who you share your moments with, as just like the camera photos you’ve taken, you’ve only got one chance to capture & savour each progressive space. Life will throw endless curveballs along the way, but you are great, you will progress, and you will get AFTR it.
I’m here with you in your pursuit of excellence.
- Sarah
Instagram - sarahmarersa